there were so many questions and so many unfulfilled dreams and desires. but reality doesn't care about questions, worries, dreams, or desires. life happens whether we are ready for it or not. death, too.
it was a beautiful, and slightly warm wednesday morning when we gathered at the funeral home and walked together to the burial site. it was a just a small collection of family and a few friends. my friend said a few words, read a passage from the Bible...
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heave: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)
this was the passage that my friend had read that second day as we held hands and looked out over the creek in lake tahoe. these are well-known and often-cited scriptures, especially at those moments when reality makes itself so present. and they turned out to have even more significant meaning that day of the burial.
after the reading, everyone had an opportunity to lay a rose on the casket and say their final goodbyes before the burial. it was difficult and moving, and while everyone experienced the burial in their own way (some people watching, some people consoling each other, others taking a short walk to collect their thoughts) one of the attendees quietly sang a beautiful chorus of amazing grace.
only a few hours after we laid my friend's mother to rest, Ecclesiastes came to reality in a very significant way: another friend of ours welcomed her new son into the world. a miracle and blessing on a day of grief and sadness. a time to mourn and a time to dance.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
reality check. 4.
the reality just keeps on coming. life (and death) doesn't care what else is going on, what day of the week it is, or how you are feeling.
somehow, my friend had the energy to make it through the memorial and an open house time afterwards. it was very beautiful, but also so difficult and draining. we intentionally planned to do nothing the following day. it was hard for me to do nothing. but it was much-needed rest, even if it was the 4th of july. we did get together that night for smores and relaxation at a friend's - whose pool, hot tub, cabana, and fire pit make for a perfect evening! she even had a little pack of celebration "fireworks" (like poppers and other silly things). it was a nice break from harsh reality to enjoy a little silly reality.
the next day i got to spend the morning in one of my favorite places - the beach. i took my niece and nephew (and my dad), and hit the sand. it was overcast and cold, but wonderful to see the ocean (and an otter!). i was reminded again that life is beautiful and wonderful, and there are so many blessings here. but as i came back to san jose and headed to my friend's to help her go through some of her mom's things, i could not escape the fact that we only have a short time to enjoy the blessings of this life and this world. reality.
somehow, my friend had the energy to make it through the memorial and an open house time afterwards. it was very beautiful, but also so difficult and draining. we intentionally planned to do nothing the following day. it was hard for me to do nothing. but it was much-needed rest, even if it was the 4th of july. we did get together that night for smores and relaxation at a friend's - whose pool, hot tub, cabana, and fire pit make for a perfect evening! she even had a little pack of celebration "fireworks" (like poppers and other silly things). it was a nice break from harsh reality to enjoy a little silly reality.
the next day i got to spend the morning in one of my favorite places - the beach. i took my niece and nephew (and my dad), and hit the sand. it was overcast and cold, but wonderful to see the ocean (and an otter!). i was reminded again that life is beautiful and wonderful, and there are so many blessings here. but as i came back to san jose and headed to my friend's to help her go through some of her mom's things, i could not escape the fact that we only have a short time to enjoy the blessings of this life and this world. reality.
Monday, August 8, 2011
reality check. 3.
i decided years ago that funerals suck. they are one of the worst parts of life - and death. i decided that a funeral is the negatively-valenced equivalent of a wedding. all of your family and friends gathered for you, a ceremony and reception, so many details to plan, organize, and pay for... only without the happy celebration of a wedding, or the months and months to plan.
i knew that the memorial day was going to be one of the worst days and experiences in my life, not to mention my best friend's. i woke up, took a deep breath, and gathered myself for the difficult day ahead. i am so thankful for my other friends who rallied to help take care of the reception and other details that needed nailing down. THANK YOU!
my friend did such an amazing and incredible job leading a heartfelt (and at times heartbreaking) memorial to honor her mother. it was perfect. or as close to perfect as the situation allows.
i knew that the memorial day was going to be one of the worst days and experiences in my life, not to mention my best friend's. i woke up, took a deep breath, and gathered myself for the difficult day ahead. i am so thankful for my other friends who rallied to help take care of the reception and other details that needed nailing down. THANK YOU!
my friend did such an amazing and incredible job leading a heartfelt (and at times heartbreaking) memorial to honor her mother. it was perfect. or as close to perfect as the situation allows.
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