in like a lion, out like a lamb

march has been quite a month! it started with a great disappointment - not getting the dream job. i was really sad because i have really enjoyed working there and would have loved to be there full time. i could have been killer there. i would have rocked it. i am also a little sad because it would be incredible to live on the beach and have a sweet job. and, it was a little embarrassing to have to go back to the people that work there - who were rooting for me - and tell them that i didn't get hired.

it's disappointing and sad and frustrating, especially because there are only a few things i could have done better. i wasn't exceptional, but i was probably as good as i could be. at the very least i was at 90% - the other 10% was lost to nerves and not preparing for two questions i could have prepared for.

but, God has proven (Him)self over and over. i feel so blessed to even have received an opportunity to work there - let alone work there twice! and interviewing there!?! amazing. clearly, this goes beyond me. so i was definitely sad, and i definitely had a pity party. but now that it's over, now that the kleenex are put away and i'm done feeling sorry for myself, i have started to make peace with it.

and just in time, because as march has ended, i feel like i am standing on the precipice of something great. on the very last day of the month, i successfully defended my dissertation. the night before my defense, i wasn't nervous about screwing up or having something go terribly wrong. but i was struck by the gravity and awesomeness of this moment. this is a point of no return - my life will never be the same again. and i can only hope and pray that the Lord has more in store for me than i can even imagine as i stare into the glorious unknown. it's incredibly empowering, but also a little dizzying!